Black Love:The Struggle

Black men and women were not raised to be compatible. Parents are so strict with the girls but lenient with the boys. Girls are raised to be severely independent but the boys, to be overly dependent on his mother. This is why dating among the black community is extremely difficult and characterized by unpleasant eventualities. There is friction.

By virtue of this upbringing, boys are raised to want feminine women but then, the girls are raised to be masculine – the problem. The black boy’s masculinity is deemed a warrant to do irresponsible things which parents brush off as them “just being boys.” The girl sees all these things and rather consciously or unconsciously, conditions herself that men are disloyal.

For the boys, they expect a mother’s love in their relationships. One that should understand that their misconduct is them “just being boys.” And as their mother offers, they expect to be forgiven freely because after all, they’re “just being boys.” They desire this but instantly feel threatened when their partner, whether by design or intent, begins act full blown “motherly.” Sorry guys, it’s not a buffet. You don’t get to pick only what you want. It’s a full package.

The girl, raised to care for herself and her brothers (regardless of their age), learns to be a mother before she is a mother. Consequently, she struggles to see her partner as such, instead, treats him like she would her son – monitoring his every move. Loving yet skeptical.

This friction is the start of the many woes of Black Love.

Parents,  you can’t raise a woman to want loyal men, while guising the boys’ irresponsibility as them “just being boys.” It’s about time you were consistent.

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